I Want
by angelic-ninja
Summary: Rose is all innocence and sweetness
1. I Want Love

Disclaimer: I own zilch.

_I want love on my own terms_

_After everything I've ever learned_

_Me, I carry too much baggage_

_Oh man, I've seen so much traffic_

_--- _

_So bring it on, I've been bruised_

_Don't give me love that's clean and smooth_

_I'm ready for the rougher stuff_

_No sweet romance, I've had enough_

_**Elton John – I Want Love**_

* * *

Rose is all innocence and sweetness, happy sighs and silent moans as she moves below me. She does not understand that I am taking something I do not deserve. She's perfect in every sense, no man can resist her and like any other man I have fallen in the face of temptation. I will only hurt her, even now I fear I do. Each little moan drives me to thrust harder, take more. She bears it when she should not. She deserves soft caresses and loving kisses, drawn out pleasure, everything I am not capable of. I wait for her to cry stop as I push further, harder. Pink skin tinged red with exertion as she meets me every time. Rose is a creature of beauty and passion, begging for love. Something I cannot give the way she deserves, for I was destroyed just as much as my home in the Time War. She cries out at feelings and sensation that leave me feeling hollow, guilty for what I have done. But even still I join her, her name meeting my lips as everything falls apart. I lay beside her, catch my breath and stare at the ceiling of her room. As she curls into me, her breathing still heavy and laboured, I hate myself more. I hate my own skin that she strokes lightly. I feel contaminated, disgust at myself making me cringe at the light kisses she places on my cheek. I know she loves me and that I have taken advantage of that. It makes me hope that if I should change and she stays, that my next body will treat her how she should be treated. That she will shape the next change and yet I feel instant hate at the thought of even a new me touching her. I have possessed her. She is mine. I have taken more than I should and that is my downfall. Bruised and battered I fight on. 


	2. Beautiful Disaster

He's soft to the touch  
But frayed at the end he breaks  
He's never enough  
And still he's more than I can take  
Oh and I don't know  
I don't know what he's after  
But he's so beautiful  
He's such a beautiful disaster  
And if I could hold on  
Through the tears and the laughter  
Would it be beautiful?  
Or just a beautiful disaster

**Kelly Clarkson – _Beautiful Disaster_**

**_

* * *

_ **

I watch the disgust cross his face, the pain of things he will never tell me about. Once again he was rough but I will never tell him to stop. Because sometimes that's what I want too, the passion that comes from thinking I had lost him. The need in him to claim me as his and his alone. Sometimes I wish we could take the time to enjoy each other but I just have to look at him and know that he cannot, for no other reason than he fears it. But now I can no longer stand to watch him hate himself for something I wanted, that I started. As I slowly kiss his cheek he cringes and I want to cry. Why does he continue if my touch causes him pain? The memories still too fresh and raw to let him enjoy living? But I will persist because this is something I want to give him. His skin marked by war as much as his hearts, I run my fingers along each scar lightly. Light kisses following their path. I treasure him for who he is and want to make it clear. He rolls me over and takes control once again, his lips hungry against mine. But I pull away and he pulls right back, moving to leave the bed. I grab his hand, the simple gesture that holds us together as everything falls apart around us. He turns to look at me and I see it all wash over his face in an instant. I draw him back to me and he lies stiff on the bed beside me. Tears flood my eyes at the pain on his face, at each flinch as I brush my fingers gently over his face. I am tender and careful as I trace his flesh, learning him finally. As I make love to him, he breaks inside, tears form in his eyes and I bury my head against his shoulder in shame. Still as the end comes I am gentle, loving, never letting it be otherwise, apologies the only thing to pass my lips as I come. I feel him release inside me, with a silent plea, to whom I do not know. But now I must leave, for now I have lost him. I rise, pulling on my dressing gown I walk out, not looking back. Gathering what little strength I have left just to make it home.


	3. This Unavoidable Thing Between Us

_When we walk away, we only grow more near_

_When we turn away, it all becomes so clear_

_This unavoidable thing, is joining us_

_---_

_Every time you say the words it's real_

_And every time you say the words, I feel_

_---_

_The night is long today, my love for you has changed_

_The night is long today, a hope has been replaced_

_And all the steps we take, the ones that lead away_

_---_

_A little, too late. A little, too soon. __A little, to give._

_A little, to take. A little, to lose. A little, __to find._

_A little, to die. A little, to live. A little..._

**Evermore – _This Unavoidable Thing Between Us_**

****

* * *

I watch her walk away and cannot bring myself to care, right at this moment I cannot. Torn open wide in the face of all she is and all she feels I can only fall ever more apart. With her gone there is only darkness, drawing me in, making the pain of the past worse without her light. Yet the light of her will only burn me, pain in darkness, pain in light. There is no way I can go that will not cause hurt. With a soft sigh I lift myself from the bed, pulling on my jeans. I know where she will have tried to go, just as I know where the TARDIS has led her. The corridors are dark, she is hiding us, hiding the truth and hiding from what she does not want to see. I take steady steps finding the console room just as dark. I hear Rose before I see her, the soft sobs shaking me to the core. This is not what I wanted, not what she deserved and more then ever I feel the need to take all her pain away. I have never before been addicted to anything but as I take a step towards her I know what it must feel like. The need to have just a little bit more. All that mattered was how I felt when I got it, how bad it felt with out it. Without her. She looks up, looks right at me and I freeze no longer sure of what to do, or how to fix this. Then she drops the bomb, voice shaking from her tears. "Take me back." I want to take her back, to before this happened so I can stop it. So that she will never know how much I could hurt her. But that is not what she means. That hurts more than the past, more than anything else could. Because I am starting to need her, addicted well past the stage of return and the only way off was cold turkey. Something I will never be strong enough to live through. She stands, defiant as I fail to move, to respond. "Take me home now!" The tears still thread down her face and I turn from her and walk back to my room unable to face what I have caused. As I pass through the door I respond, "I can't." 


	4. Give Me A Reason

_So what's a girl like me to do_

_Drowning, drowning in you_

_And who's to save me from the blue_

_Carry, carry me through_

_--- _

_Cause now my body's weak - so just give me a reason_

_And my make-up's off - so just give me a reason_

_And my defense's down - so just give me a reason_

_I am strong enough - so just give me a reason_

_Now my body's weak - so just give me a reason_

_And my make-up's off - so just give me a reason_

_My defense's down - so just give me a reason_

_Give me a reason_

**The Corrs – _Give Me A Reason_**

**_

* * *

_**

I watch him disappear down the corridor, his words circling my head, _I can't_. I want to know why not, is there some reason in particular, is it no longer there, does this darkness mean there is something wrong with the TARDIS. The darkness that had comforted me before was now closing in on me. I run after him, fear taking hold firmly, it's cold grip on my heart pushing my feet faster. I cross the threshold into his room for the second time tonight and can only let the fear overcome me. I fall to the ground at his feet and plead with him. I feel weak and pathetic but there is nothing I can do to stop myself any longer. This is my fault, I should have let him leave, I should have not let any of this come so far. I should never have said yes, should have stuck with my original answer, should never have come with him. Should never have let the crush decide my future because now it had taken hold, it had ruined everything. I knew the first time I had kissed him that it would spell the end of this, that it would end up here. I should have said no and let it die, instead of letting it lead here. To where my heart was no longer my own, where everything depended on him and his whims. I am no longer Rose Tyler, I am only what he wants of me and what he lets me be. The only word leaving my lips now is, "why?" Over and over I ask, voice straining with the pain, the need to make him answer. I ruined all this with my love for him, a love I knew would never be returned, a love that was my own to suffer through. A love he punishes me for over and over. He bends down, hand reaching for my cheek and I jerk back, I won't let him touch me again, this is his fault. As unfair as I know that thought is I am not strong enough to think otherwise, I have no real strength left, he has taken it all from me. The word still leaving my mouth, more and more strained, voice dying as the desperation fights the fear for control. I mouth the word, _why_, needing to know. As he takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger harshly, turning my head up to look him directly in the eye, I truly fear him for the first time.

"You're mine."


	5. Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking

_I've got this feeling that there's something that I missed  
(I could do most anything to you...)  
Don't you breathe, don't you breathe  
Something happened, that I never understood  
You can't leave, you can't leave  
Every second, dripping off my fingertips  
Wage your war, wage your war  
Another soldier, says he's not afraid to die  
Well I am scared, I'm so scared  
In slow motion, the blast is beautiful  
Doors slam shut, doors slam shut  
A clock is ticking, but it's hidden far away  
Safe and sound, safe and sound_

_I could do most anything to you..._

**Snow Patrol – _Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking_**

**_

* * *

_**

I took her face harder than I wanted to, her skin soft beneath my fingers. Her human fragility making me want to hurt her more, knowing that I could. That she could not fight me, could not stop me. Force on her the pain that burns in my heart always for what I did and who I am. But the tears on her face begin to trace along my fingers and I release her, pulling back as if they have burnt me. This is not what she deserves, never what I wanted to do to her, for she has come to define all that I am in this body. I fight for control, of my passions, for control of the urges in my very bones to show her just what I meant. To take what is truly mine. Each second stretches out as I fight myself. I will not hurt her more. I stand and turn my back on her, forcing my blood to stop racing, my hearts to slow their frantic pace. Forcing the anger from my very soul. I take a deep breath and turn back to her, to see the bruises already forming on her pale skin. She still looks up at me, confused and alone. This regeneration was never meant to deal with emotions, nothing this strong, not the ones that make this so much harder. I want her to fight, the silent pleading in her eyes is only making me want to tear her open as she has me. "Isn't that what you wanted? Isn't that what this was all about?" She shakes her head in denial and I press her further, watching her curl against the wall in fear. "You had your way with me, have me all curled round your little finger. But there is a price for that and this is it. I own you now and I can do as I damn well please."

"Doctor, what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong Rose Tyler, this is me! You wanted to know who I was, do you like it? Am I what you pictured in your head, do I do everything just right? Is it worth cheating on Mickey for?"

"I... we're not... I'm not..." The tears come still, and the fear remains. I feel myself sickened by what I am doing to her.

But it is too late I cannot take it back now, and I only can throw myself in deeper, "Oh come on! Have some bloody balls Rose and admit it. You're just the universe's biggest fucking tart!"


	6. Love Is

_So if you're feeling that it's just too much  
Then take a breath and hold on tight,  
Because love is light  
If it's right, if it's right_

_  
If you don't learn this time  
I'm going to  
Teach you how I know we could  
Be until you understood.  
It takes time for love to settle down  
And I know it will this time,  
But not for now so close your eyes_.

**Waikiki – _Love Is_**

**_

* * *

_**

I push myself from the ground and I slap him, hard, I want it to hurt. I want it to hurt like his words were hurting me. The look of shock on his face I had expected was not present, instead a smile of triumph. I curl my hands into tight fists and start to throw them at his chest without caring where or how they landed. "You complete bastard! How dare you!" He caught my hands suddenly pulling them tightly to his chest so I couldn't pull away. But I still fought him even as I looked into his eyes, drawn in by them as I always will be. I push him as far from me as I can. But he is stronger, faster and I am backed against the wall. I panic and do the only thing I can to fight my way out, "Fine, you won't take me home, I'm still leaving. Jack'll get me home." The shock I wanted earlier now lines his face, before quickly melting into anger once again. He throws me back against the wall, pinning me there, but all I can feel is the sharp pain at the back of my head. I pull one of my hands from his grip and raise it to the back of my head. My hair is already slightly slick from the blood that flows gently. The pain begins to ring around my head and I lean back against the wall for support. "I love you, why can't you just love me back?" My tears are quickly returning, amplifying the pan shooting through my head. This wasn't supposed to be my life, I was meant to find a good bloke, marry, have fat little children and grandchildren. But he has taken it all. I can't ever have that life now, as much as I sometimes still want it. I won't ever be able to live that life because he has ruined me.

"I'm sure Jack can do that just fine as well!" I want to rage at him, make him sorry for ever having asked me to come with him. But the pain is making everything foggy, I shake my head to try and clear it, but everything gets worse.

I lift my hand from the back of my head where the blood still flows to show him. It is slippery between my fingertips and I blanch at the feel of it. "Bet you didn't even kill me properly. Would that make you happy, if I was dead? Cause at the moment I'd be quite happily oblige."

"Rose?" There is fear in his eyes and it is my turn now to smile in triumph.

"Ever kill a lover before Doctor?" I felt myself weaken suddenly and slump against him before everything faded.


	7. Ava Adore

_It's you that I adore  
You'll always be my whore  
You'll be the mother to my child  
And a child to my heart  
We must never be apart  
We must never be apart  
Lovely girl you're the beauty in my world  
Without you there aren't reasons left to find  
---  
_**The Smashing Pumpkins – _Ava Adore_**

**_

* * *

_**

"Ever kill a lover before Doctor?" Her eyes roll back into her head and I catch her as she slumps forward. My eyes are fixed on the roundel behind where her head had been, the glass cracked and stained with blood. This is what I am, what I bring. Her body heavy in my arms as I continue to stare, unable to comprehend what she meant exactly. But this is my fault directly. She is right, I have never killed a lover before, been a cause of their death yes, but never active participant. It hits me suddenly and I lift her into my arms as I feel the guilt begin to take a hold of me. In her unconscious state she looks like an angel, innocence and purity unable to be tainted. But I have taken that from her so easily, that when she wakes the world will set upon her again. She will fear, she will hate, she will fear and hate me. If she wakes. I walk, so as not to cause further damage, out of my room and straight into the medical lab, silently thanking the TARDIS. I place her on the table carefully, my hands shaking as I pull them away. Her dressing gown has fallen open as I have laid her down and I can not draw my eyes from her soft skin. Skin that I had been touching intimately not an hour before. I close the gown and turn away from her and pick up a scanner. It confirms my suspicions, cerebral edema, the TARDIS has induced a coma. I continue to scan her, looking for anything else that I could have done to her when I threw her against the wall. The scanner beeps and I lift it to recheck the results before throwing it against the wall opposite the bed. I set to work healing her head as much as I can. Only time will be able to heal her completely. The human brain is so easy to damage and I have done it to the one thing I have needed since the Time War. The one thing I have loved. So young in her own world, still an infant in mine. I have done this to a child, a mother. She has a future filled with love ahead of her. I know I should fulfill her wish and take her home. I must protect her from all that will hurt her and that now includes me. I will not let her take my future with her, as much as I no longer deserve that kind of love as she does. She deserves it more than I ever will or have. It is not something I can let go of now, knowing that that future is there for me. That I never have to be alone again.

"What the hell's going on?" I look up to see Jack standing in the doorway breathing heavily. I feel anger wash over me suddenly remembering Rose's earlier words. The reason she now lies in a coma, the reason I hurt her. But I can not hold them against her or Jack. "What happened to Rose? She said they didn't touch her."

"Get us to Earth Jack, 2005, London, Powell Estate. Rose'll want her mother when she wakes." I watch him run from the room, military to the end. Order given, order obeyed.

Heavy footsteps and Jack is in the doorway, "She's already in flight and on course. I didn't touch anything."

"She's in Rose's mind, helping her heal. She's doing what she has to, to make sure it goes smoothly." I take Rose's hand kissing it softly, "Rose I'm sorry." I feel Jack's eyes on me and ignore them. They are questions I do not want to answer and when I do there will only one who will hear them.


	8. Orange Sky pt 1

Quick note, sorry. Just letting you know that it might slow down a bit around here as I haven't quite figure out where I am goning after another four chapters or so, I only know where I want it to end. Please bear with me. Also a big thanks to everyone that has reviewed, I enjoy reading all your feedback.  
Angelic Ninja

* * *

_Well I had a dream I stood beneath an orange sky  
Yes I had a dream I stood beneath an orange sky  
With my brother standing by  
With my brother standing by  
I said Brother, you know you know  
It's a long road we've been walking on  
Brother you know it is you know it is  
Such a long road we've been walking on_

**Alexi Murdoch -_Orange Sky_**

**_

* * *

_**

Two weeks five days and counting, its driving me up the wall. One sits in the kitchen or sleeps while the other sits over her bed. Neither have spoken since the first night, neither will tell me why. The Doctor's black eye would have been funny if not for Rose's body still lying on the neighbouring bed as I healed it. Jackie cries, and not much else, I tried to charm her and got no response. I tried picking a fight only for the tears to come twice as hard. I can't even choose a side as she wants because I have no idea why Rose still lies there. When we left Cranston she was fine, a bruise or two from the manhandling, but no signs as to why less then eight hours later she was in a coma. The bruises on her face had faded quickly but the Doctor never told me where they had come from. They are both asleep at the moment and I am left to watch over Rose as she lies in her coma. I brush my hand back over her brow gently, comforting her and myself with the repetitive action. "What happened to you?" I shake my head when no answer comes. I knew in my heart I was expecting her to open her eyes and tell me to bugger off as she was trying to sleep. But she had not moved in over two weeks, and the longer this continues the less likely it is she will ever wake. I hear a noise behind me and turn to see the Doctor leaning against the doorway watching us. I turn back to Rose, "So your mother has it in her head that the Doctor is using you to repopulate his species." She made no response but the Doctor was shuffling nervously behind me, "yeah, I thought it was funny too." With a grunt he is moving off down the hall, "Sorry Rose, you know how much I just love to bait him." Watching her expressionless face I let out a sigh. "You're right I'll go apologise." I lent down kissing her forehead gently, pulling back up to see her eyes open wide. Her eyes darted around the room and I knew she was looking for him. Her mouth was flapping like a fish but no sound was coming out. A moment later she was once again asleep, her coma returning. I smiled and ran from the room, she was finally beginning to wake up. This was a good thing. Soon we would be back out there discovering new planets instead of sitting on this boring council estate. I threw open the Doctor's bedroom door to find him staring at the wall beside the door. Glancing at the wall where he was focused my smile slipped quickly from my face. Her blood was covering one of the roundels in the room, the glass cracked. I struck him myself, this time he could heal his own damn face. Turning from him I went to find Jackie, I had chosen my side.


	9. Put It Together

_I wish I could take your broken heart and  
Sew it back up, aren't I smart?  
Just to put you together  
Put you together again  
Sorry that I went and tore you up  
But you'll never find one who's never hurt someone  
For ever and ever we'll be putting together again  
For ever and ever we'll be putting together again_

**World Without Sundays – _Put It Together_**

**_

* * *

_**

Between the two of them I have not seen Rose in three days, one or both of them always at her bedside. Jackie has begun to pack her stuff and move it up to the flat. They do not ask what Rose wants because she still lays in her coma. But I know she would not want to leave, not now, not before, not ever. The TARDIS tells me she is awake again. She also tells me that neither Jack nor Jackie are with her, both busy carrying boxes to the flat. They do not think I would know they were not there. But this is my ship, as much as she is angry with me over what I have done to Rose, that I am letting them take her from me. But I know if Rose chose to stay I would fight for her, for them both. Just as I know I will not let her stay because that is truly what is best for her, for them both. I ask the TARDIS to move the med lab and my room as far as she can from the console room. Stepping from my room I cross the hall to the med lab, my heart stops as she moves to stand. She collapses instantly and I rush to her side, lifting her back onto the bed, noticing her mother has changed her pajamas again. She is in a baggy tracksuit, one I have seen many times when she has been lounging around the TARDIS. I watch her mouth work, her voice a harsh crackle. Brushing her hair from her face I smile softly, "Rose I'm sorry." I want to say so much more, promise so much to her but I know there is no way to say it that will even begin to cover what I feel. So those words will have to covey enough for now.

"Sorry Doctor."

"Don't try to talk." I raise her up and make her drink. She pushes the cup away after a moment, holding my hand tightly.

"Never wanted to hurt you." She takes another drink slowly, before once again fighting to make herself speak, "I would never leave you, 'specially not for Jack."

"Don't, Rose, you have no reason to be sorry." I lay her back down as her eyes begin to droop.

"Tired."

"You'll will be for a while yet. But I wanted to say goodbye. I won't see you again, so have a fantastic life Rose Tyler." She shakes her head causing her tears to streak down her face. "I should have treated you better from the start, should never have hurt you." Her eyes close and I bend down kissing her forehead. "I love you." I turn and walk out, knowing the next time I crossed the hall the med lab and Rose would be gone. This was my punishment, what I deserved. I should have loved her from the start. Visions of her making love to me haunt me, accusing me. Rose would come to understand and accept that Jackie was doing what was best for her. Now all I had to do was accept it myself.


	10. Orange Sky pt 2

Sorry this update has taken so long as my internet has been down for the last week. But I have a few more chapters ready so hopefully they will make an appearance soon.

Angelic Ninja

* * *

_And I had a dream  
I stood beneath an orange sky  
With my sister standing by  
With my sister standing by  
I said Sister, here is what I know now  
Here is what I know now  
Goes like this..  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, in your love, in your love _

**Alexi Murdoch_ – Orange Sky_**

**_

* * *

_**

I watch her wake every day, still weak from being in the coma, and stumble her way through the TARDIS trying to find his room. Raging at us when we try to stop her, raging at the TARDIS for leading her continuously back to the med lab. Yesterday she spent six hours wandering the corridors with no results other then the bruises from falling when her legs gave up on her time and again. So as she wakes I help her to her feet and offer her my arm. She watches me with clear suspicion on her face. "We won't stop today until we find him, tomorrow you're mum's taking you home."

"You know I can't go back, 'specially not now. I need to stay with him."

"Rose, he's been hiding from you for days. He obviously doesn't give a damn about you or the fact you're incubating his kid."

"God Jack, you're starting to sound like my mother." She pushes me away from her and heads out of the door, turning left down the corridor. Yesterday she had gone right. I feel guilty at having used her mother's words to her face. But I know still that she needed to hear them. I jog to catch up with her, offering my arm once again and she reluctantly takes it, more from need than the want to actually do so. "I want to have this baby Jack, whether he wants me to or not. I want him to have another of his people so he's not so alone."

"Rose, you do understand what you are doing?"

"I'm doing what's right, he deserves this. Besides, there is nothing in the universe that can stop me from loving this baby. Jack, I can feel it already." She smiled at me as we stopped. "I can feel it there Jack, I can feel it in my head. It knows me and it loves me already, but it can't feel him Jack. It wants to know its father. Its seen how much not having a dad hurt me and it doesn't want that. I don't want that for my child."

"Shouldn't it feel him, if it can feel you?"

"It's in me Jack and I only felt it, began to listen for it, because of the coma. I need to be touching him." With a new resolve I lead her on. Rose wanted to find the father of her child, not her lover. That I would help her with. The next door we tried led us to the console room. The smell of burnt wiring let me know he had been in there not long before. Stepping up to the console I saw it first, a large yellow envelope was resting against the view screen. 'Rose' written clearly on the front in his handwriting. I picked it up and placed it into her trembling hands.

"Best you open it Rose."


	11. My Skin

I feel really bad, I haven't written much at all lately and so haven't posted. I have about another two chapters ready and one half written by hand and I kinda know where I want this to end. Its just a matter of getting it there. But I plan on getting my butt into gear. All the reviews have been great motivation and so it is for you that I am going to actually finish this fic.

Angelic Ninja

* * *

_O, I need  
The darkness  
The sweetness  
The sadness  
The weakness  
O, I need this_

_I need  
A lullaby  
A kiss goodnight  
The angel sweet  
Love of my life  
O, I need this... _

_Well is it dark enough?  
Can you see me?  
Do you want me?  
Can you reach me?  
Or I'm leaving_

_You better shut your mouth  
Hold your breath  
Kiss me now you'll catch your death  
O, I mean this_

**Natalie Merchant – _My Skin_**

**_

* * *

_**

We enter the console room and I could smell burnt wiring and the faint lingering smell of leather. As I look around I spot his jacket hung on the hat rack by the door. Jack pulls me towards the console and it is then I notice the yellow envelope in his hands. I could feel myself begin to tremble in fear as he passes it to me. "Best you open it, Rose." He lowers me onto the chair carefully as I stare at my name in the Doctor's flowing hand. Kissing my forehead he steps away, "You call me if you need me." I nod and watch him go leaving the TARDIS doors open slightly. I slowly pry open the envelope, scared and curious of what I will find within. My eyes are drawn to the letter and I pull it from the envelope first, flattening it against my legs with shaking hands. I take a deep breath and read aloud, fighting my clouded brain to understand the words. Letting the TARDIS lead me when I could not draw them up from the coma induced confusion I still suffered.

"Rose,

It is your turn to leave me, and it hurts to let you go. But I will never forgive myself for what I have done. I need you both safe and that means from me as well. But for that I need you to stop looking for me. I hear you scream and I have to fight to remain hidden, to keep the TARDIS from leading you directly to me. This was never what I wanted, but this is how it must end.

Enclosed is a few things you both will need. Your own sonic screwdriver, which you will need to heal all you can as she can never go to a doctor on Earth. Secondly a Gallifreyan folk story told to our children, translated so you can read it to her. Finally, the crystal is imprinted with my psychic pattern so she will always know me. She will find me when it is time. I will have to take her from you then so for that I am apologising now, like me she does not belong in your world.

I wish I could have given you more, wish I could have been a better person for you.

The Doctor."

I upend the envelope onto my lap, taking the crystal on its chain and placing it around my neck. The sonic screwdriver I drop into my hoodie pocket. He had taken the choice from me, like my mother and Jack. There was no way they could make me take those steps out of the TARDIS and away from my Doctor. I would not leave until he had stood before me, telling me that he didn't love me. I felt a tingle in the back of my mind as a tear finally escaped. I gently placed a hand over my child where it grew inside me, picturing his face the first time he had told me I was beautiful, when I had apologised for nearly destroying the world. The moments he had been sweet and gentle with me. The moments that showed me he really did care. Closing my eyes I saw his face as he looked upon the last Dalek, as he told me about his home and the war. All the pain he held that made him who he was, that made me love him more. I felt my child's love for him, matching my own. Opening my eyes I found him standing before me, slight confusion on his face as he looked down at me.

"Rose?"

"Tell me you don't love me, and I'll just go."

I watched his face closely as it became that solemn mask, "I don't love you." The words slipped so easily from his lips as I watched him.

"Okay," Standing I kissed him gently, letting him kiss me back. Stepping back from him I looked him in the eye, "Liar."


	12. Message To My Girl

_I don't wanna say I want you  
Even though I want you so much  
It's wrapped up in conversation  
It's whispered in a hush  
Though I'm frightened by the word  
Think it's time that it was heard_

_No more empty self-possession  
Vision swept under the mat  
It's no new years resolution  
It's more than that  
_**Split Enz – _Message To My Girl_**

**_

* * *

_**

She kisses me and I can't help but kiss her back. Her assaulting my physical senses, my child trying to fill up the silence in the back of my mind. I feel them both and I feel their love. Rose pulls back from me and stares me down. "Liar." I cannot deny her this time, but this is no longer where she belongs as much as she may want it. As much as I know I do.

"Its not that simple Rose, it wasn't some silly fight."

"No you're right, I get it. You 'don't do families'. Sorry I wasted your time." She turns and I should let her walk away, but I grab her wrist tightly. She pulls free of my grip and I watch the bruises already forming on her pale skin, missing the arm she slaps me with. I clutch my face in shock, even as I admire the fire in her eyes as she rounds on me. This is my Rose, not willing to be treated as something fragile. "I am not stupid Doctor, as much as you may like to pretend. I'm not sticking around for you to treat me like a punching bag. I won't let you; and don't think you're getting off lightly for the coma either."

"You need to go Rose." I know how much anger and pain this body holds, when it comes to her I cannot control it. "It's for the best."

"Don't give me that crap, what's for the best is for you to have this child in your life. To not be the last anymore."

"She can't be a Time Lady Rose!"

"Why the bloody hell not?" I see the defiance in her eyes and go to smile, but stop myself.

"Its not something you are born into, you have to study, it isn't there anymore Rose. Its gone like the rest of Gallifrey. Even if it was there you'll be dead long before she finished."

"So what, you teach it all you know and I'll be there while I can. I've thought about this already, I'm nineteen, best case scenario I get at least eighty years with you both. I'm not going to just walk away because of that."

"I don't get a say in this do I?" She looks at me like I'm the stupid ape and I laugh. So like her to have thought about how this will affect her while she lives, but when she's gone thats it. She no longer has to deal with the pain. I will have to go on knowing I have lost her, unable to get her back. My face falls quickly as I look her directly in the eye, "I can't watch you die." Her face softens, mouth becoming a show of surprise and I laugh again. I know I shouldn't but suddenly I feel helpless against the urge. "That's right, you die and I keep living. Lucky me."

"You keep living for our child, you bring it up."

"Stop calling her an 'it'."

She smiles at me, excitement on her face and in her eyes. Dreams of a young girl coming to life, I could see how much she had wanted a girl and I grant that one wish for her. "It's really a girl? You can tell?" I nod and she flings herself into my arms. Before I can let the feeling of peace she brings settle over me she has stepped back and out of reach. "Doesn't change anything. She'll still need you more than I ever will, you'll need each other."

"When did you get the time to think all this through?"

"I've had a lot of time in my own head lately." The smile slips from her lips as quickly as it had appeared.

"Rose I'm sorry."

"The past is the past, or at least this time we'll let it be. We just won't ever visit again."

"No we won't." I take a hesitant step forward, brushing her hair from her face before she rushes forward kissing me.

She pulls back smirking at me, "I think I might get you a real punching bag though, stick a picture of Jack on it. Saw that once on Buffy, very funny."

"You're ruining a perfectly good moment here." She leans in again, whispering, 'sorry,' before I capture her lips.


	13. You Get Me

_So what if I see the sunshine_

_In the pouring rain_

_Some people think I'm crazy_

_But you say it's okay_

_You've seen my secret garden_

_Where all of my flowers grow_

**Michelle Branch – _You Get Me_**

**_

* * *

_**

I laugh against his lips, rejoicing in the knowledge that I have won him back. That this will always be mine. I can feel the difference in him too, smiling as he pulls back. His eyes sparkle as they look over me. I am too thin now, I feel hollow in my own skin, and he still makes me feel beautiful with just his eyes. Fragile is not me, the weakness is not something I like to feel, but I feel protected here. "Make me better please?"

"Its just flesh Rose." He says so much to me in those words, most that I will never truly understand. But in this flesh I am his and he mine. But I know my soul is whole here, with him I can never be anything else. I laugh again and kiss him, letting him set me upon the sloping console. Kissing his way down my neck. Soft, gentle, so not like the alien I first took to my bed. But I can not complain because this is new, different, better. This is my Doctor. This is him despite the pain that the universe had thrown at him. My Doctor in love, admitting love. Feeling truly what I know he has always felt. Passion still sparks within him as he takes me here, just none of the anger in his thrusts. The self punishment gone. I know he will always feel those things but together we will fight them off. I capture his lips and wrap my legs about his hips pulling him closer, feeling as much of him as I can. Flesh on flesh, just flesh. But always more as well. In me is hope, for him, for us. Maybe that is just who she will be, Hope.


	14. Orange Sky pt 3

_But sister you know I'm so weary  
And you know sister  
My hearts been broken  
Sometimes, sometimes  
My mind is too strong to carry on  
Too strong to carry on_

**Alexi Murdoch – _Orange Sky_**

**_

* * *

_**

I open the door for Jackie who's mouth has not stopped since she saw me standing at the base of the stairs. Mickey is close behind, and the anger is clear on his face. So Jackie has told him finally why we are still here. I wonder just how much she has told him. I let her enter before me, almost walking into her as she stops, hand to her mouth, silent suddenly. I look up, see them just as clearly as she can. They have yet to notice us, too consumed by each other. I take in the two bodies before me, both beautiful in their own way. But mear seconds are all it takes for everything to fall apart. They are both at peace finally but it is really never meant to be. Jackie is across the room before I can stop her, arms flailing wildly at the Doctor. Not noticing that she hits Rose with the blows that miss. Mickey has disappeared back out onto the estate without a word. With a sigh I rush forward pulling Jackie from them both, turning her around and pushing her out of the TARDIS. Mickey is leaning against the TARDIS, staring off at nothing so I push Jackie to the ground beside him, slaming the door home. "He's... he promised..." She looks to me as if I hold the answer and all I can do is shrug. Inside those doors were the two people I loved most, two people that deserved what love they could get. They found it with each other, but some things made you question. He never meant to hurt her and I knew that, but he had. That was inexcuseable. I had seen him when threatened, Rose in the balance. In those times he was dangerous, frightening. Then in those seconds I had seen him truly happy, focused solely on her, pleasing her. That is what he meant to give her. They had chosen to remain, so I would stand beside them. I would protect her from his anger and his pain as best I could. See that he never truly hurt her again. If that meant one day taking her from him, then that would be what I did. But for now I would let them try, let them be happy. Because I had no right to deny them that.


	15. Love and Peace or Else

_I don't know if I can take it  
I'm not easy on my knees  
Here's my heart I'll let you break it_

_I need some release, release, release _

**U2 – _Love and Peace or Else_**

****

* * *

****

The doors slam and I pull back from my Rose, brushing the tears from her cheeks. "I'm sorry."

She looks up at me, eyes glassy, "What for? Its her that should be sorry."

"She just loves you," I brush the sweaty hair from her brow. "You're her world and she wants the best for you."

"And that's what I've got." She kisses my cheek before dropping to her knees before me. I cling to the console feeling undeserving of her love, of her worship. She swallows all I have to offer before standing on her shaking legs. With a quick kiss I help her dress, studiously making sure each button is in place. I grab my jacket from the stand and let her thread her arms through. She drowns in the heavy material as I draw it close around her. "Bet it looks better on you."

"Might have a run for my money though." With a sigh she turns and opens the door, stepping out into the cold London air. I follow close behind, resting a hand on her hip as she stops in front of me. Jack watches us closely and Jackie stands to face us.

Before Jackie can speak Rose is in her arms. "Its my choice mum, its what I want."

"But he hurt you, he promised me that he'd keep you safe."

"He never promised anything, you know he couldn't promise that. I knew it." Jackie wipes the tears from Rose's face looking over her shoulder at me. I can see the realisation on her face, the understanding that her daughter has aged beyond her years in the time spent with me. The wisdom of all she has seen, even things I never wanted her to. "I love him mum."

"Yeah well, what about me Rose? You run off with this jerk and leave me to catch the blame." Mickey pushes himself between Rose and Jackie. "Don't come running back to me when he leaves you and the thing in your belly behind."

"Why would I, you got Trisha now!"

"Don't you dare accuse me Rose! I was arrested cause of you. I went through hell cause you couldn't be bothered calling to say you were alive." Mickey pushes closer to Rose, instinct makes me move toward them. Out of the corner of my eye I see Jack push himself off the TARDIS, stepping toward them as well. This is what we do, why I trust him. Because were anything to happen to me he would protect her. Do what must be done to keep her safe and in that I take comfort. Because that will mean taking her from me, and that is what I need. "You treated me like shit and I am sick of it."

I try to draw Mickey's attention from Rose, "Why not put your two cents in Jack, while we're at it?"

His face gives nothing away as he watches Mickey and Rose. "Your lives, do what you want with them." He turns to face me, face still blank, but warning clear in his eyes. "Just know you hurt her again and you'll never find us. I don't care how long you live."

"That's all I want from you Jack." I make it clear to him in those words the truth behind them. She is worth that pain, that life, that risk. She is Rose.


	16. Good Enough

_Drink up sweet decadence.  
I can't say no to you,  
And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind.  
I can't say no to you._

_Shouldn't have let you conquer me completely.  
Now I can't let go of this dream.  
Can't believe that I feel...  
Good enough,  
I feel good enough.  
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good. _

**Evanescence_ – Good Enough_**

****

* * *

****

Jack and the Doctor reach some sort of peace with one another in that moment and I am glad. They have become friends since we left 1941 and the nanogenes behind us. Then this happened. I know Jack only did what he believed was right, but I now have to doubt. Would he take me from the Doctor after one of our usual rows, where all we tried to do was hurt each other. I know Jack has sat back before keeping out as we screamed and blamed. But will the next mean the end, that Jack decides that I am no longer safe. I look back at the Doctor and know he would want to stop Jack. But want is not action. I look back at Mickey before me and he smirks. "They don't know you Rose, not like I do. They ain't gonna care whether you wanna stay. They ain't gonna care about that thing inside you. Jack'll steal you away leaving it behind." I step back from Mickey, shocked at his words, and collide with the Doctor's solid chest. His hands squeeze my shoulders in comfort even as his voice cold as he addresses Mickey.

This is my Doctor angry, this is my Doctor upset. This is my Doctor when I am at stake. "Don't call our child a thing."

"Its what it is. It ain't human and it ain't like whatever you are." I know it shocks the Doctor to learn that I never told Mickey what he is, who he is. But that is something I held close because it was something he had entrusted me with. I know all of what he did to end the time war. That is his own pain, his own story, I never had the right to share it with anyone else.

"She will be herself and that's all she needs to be. But that's still Rose's child, Jackie's grandchild, that at least is enough to demand your respect." Mum's eyes widen at his words, true revelation setting in.

"He's right, you ain't ever going to call my grandchild a thing ever again or so help me Mickey..." I take her hand squeezing it in thanks.

She turns to look at me and I smile, "She says 'thank you', or at least kind of. Mostly just feelings are all I get, some singing and images. She wants to be strong like you, that I know."

Mum runs a hand over my cheek, tears held in her eyes. She won't cry them though they hold some happiness. "You hear her?"

"Kind of, got some of her Dad's talents, slightly psychic. I'm sure he would understand her better." I sink back into the Doctor's embrace as he kisses the top of my head.

"And she appears to like to talk just as much as her mum. You can tell her to quieten down, she needs her rest." I nod and close my eyes, focusing on her. She begins to sing within my head louder as she feels the Doctor wrapped around us.

_'Pretty song.'_ The Doctor chuckles as I hear him as does she and she sings louder again in her joy. _'Hush little one, both you and your mother need to rest now.'_

I open my eyes and smile at my mum, "At least she likes 21st Century Earth music, I don't think I could handle her singing stuff I can't understand like what he listens to." The Doctor takes his hands from my temples, placing them on my waist and guiding me into the TARDIS.


	17. Reborn

I am all there is to know  
I am all that you've forgotten  
I am enigmatic now  
You never even knew my name  
I am dressed in tragedy  
I am by design immortal  
I am just the last one left but I am always here and old

Old and very strong  
Old as all you feel  
Old as all the world around you

**Stone Sour - _Reborn_**

****

* * *

****

I turn Rose away from Mickey and Jackie, leading her back into the TARDIS. "I'm hungry." Rose's statement startles me and I stop, looking down at her closely. "I don't actually remember the last time I ate something."

"Right, kitchen first, then rest." I turn to look at Jackie. For Rose I make this gesture. "Would you like to join us?" She looks startled and I laugh. "No paper clips, just good old fashioned earth lasagna bought at the market down the road."

"Okay thanks," she watches me closely as she steps around me taking Rose's arm before they both disappear inside. I watch as they walk down the corridor, Jakie doting and Rose happy. Her natural beauty clear for all to see and I feel like maybe I can be what she wants, just so I can see her like that more often. I feel Jack and Mickey's eyes on me and turn back to them both.

"Rose will be cautious around you now Jack, you need to regain her trust or I can't let you stay."

"What about my promise then?" I just watch him, raising my eyebrow making clear I have no doubts about his ability to do so, and he laughs. "Give me a week or I'll go."

"You've got two, now go put the food on." He nods and strides into the TARDIS leaving me with Mickey. Rose's friend, her ex-boyfriend.

"I don't trust you, she'll never be safe with you."

"I let you call me a thing back when we first met, just to prove to her what her world was like. To show her how she wasn't like them. You can see it just as clearly as I can, she's better than all of this. She's outgrown this place, she's outgrown this planet, she's outgrown you. We come back, because she wants to, but you drag her down. Make her feel ashamed of who she is and her choices. She's better than any other ape stumbling about on this rock and you make her feel guilty for it. That's just as bad as anything I've ever done to her. Can you honestly say you're sorry for that?"

"I never hit her!" I can hear the righteousness clearly and I want to tear him apart for knowing he is right to feel it.

"Sometimes, Rickey, I'm guilty of forgetting that she is human, that she's not just like me. That's something I will never be able to forgive myself for. And I'll never be able to make it up to her, but I'll try. Will you?"

"I ain't done nothing wrong, don't turn it on me." He turns and walks away and I can only watch. At the bottom of the stairs he turns back, "She's better than you too." As he runs up the stairs I enter the TARDIS leaning back on the doors once I close them.

"I know." After a deep breath I walk to the kitchen. I slow as I hear the laughter, stopping in the doorway. The three of them sit smiling, laughing and she is truly happy. Jack already working his charms on the both of them.


	18. Stupid

Love has made me a fool

It set me on fire and watched as I floundered

Unable to speak

Except to cry out and wait for your answer

But you come around in your time

Speaking of fabulous places

Create an oasis

**_Sarah McLachlan_ - Stupid**

* * *

I feel him watching me and turn to smile at him. This is domestic, the three of us in his kitchen already. Something he does not like and I smile my apology. He smiles in return and takes his place beside me, arm over the back of my chair. He falls into the banter easily, bouncing off Jack like nothing has changed. Yet when I look around everything has. Mum has come to accept the Doctor's place within my life and that he will always be there. Jack has taken a confident step from friend to protector, maybe even carved himself a place in my heart where a brother would be. I love him for it and because of it. Maybe one day he will take us from our Doctor, for I know he would never leave my daughter behind. But I cannot let myself dwell on that. My Doctor tries for me. He truly regrets what he did, neither of us believed him capable. Neither of us will let it happen again. There is so much more at stake now. I know I have changed, I am no longer the Rose Tyler who worked in that shop. The girl who lived an un-fulfilling life, dating the boy next door because it was expected and comfortable. I am Rose Tyler, companion and lover of the Doctor. Right now I am in the company of those I love most. It is here that I can see a future, shape it to be something we both want. A promise and a gift wrapped in one. I take the knife and salad makings Jack offers me and I begin to cut it, watching Mum interact willingly with the Doctor. I can see it in her eyes she wants to learn, about him, about the life we lead and about what to expect in her grandchild. I hope the Doctor will come to see what I love about her. Those strengths that she passed onto me, the qualities he says he adores in me.


	19. Orange Sky pt 4

Thanks to those of you who have hung in there with this. It is almost done, just another for chapters. This is kind of a four part epilogue. Enjoy.

Angelic Ninja

_

* * *

_

_When I am alone  
When I've thrown off the weight of this crazy stone  
When I've lost all care for the things I own  
That's when I miss you, that's when I miss you, that's when I miss you  
You who are my home  
You who are my home  
And here is what I know now  
Here is what I know now  
Goes like this..  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, my salvation lies  
In your love, in your love, in your love_

**Alexi Murdoch – _Orange Sky_**

* * *

"No! No chance!"

"Rose Tyler, stop right there, and listen to me." His voice is strong, not raised like hers but I can hear the command in it, even as she chooses to ignore it.

"Keep dreaming Mister, there is no chance in hell." I hear a door slam and know they are coming closer. "Its not right, I won't do it."

"If you didn't want to, why the hell say yes?"

"I'm sorry I was kinda in a lot of pain at the time. Wasn't thinking straight. I seem to keep forgetting about your whole bloody no domestics approach to life."

"Don't you dare throw that back at me! Its not like I even get a choice any more so its not relevant."

"Rich, just rich. Sorry I'm cramping your intergalactic playboy ways. Can I just remind you of who came up with the whole hair-brained scheme in the first place?"

"Well you were refusing to push. What the hell else was I meant to do?"

"I just wanted three stupid words, Doctor!"

"And that's what you got!"

"'Rose, marry me' is not 'I love you'. You still haven't said it, what if I go ahead with this? Will you ever tell me? Or have I got this all wrong?"

"It was just a bloody suggestion."

"Yeah well, when you come up with a better suggestion, I will be at my mother's."

There is a moment of quiet and I take my chance, "If you need us I am taking Liliana out for a while." Rose suddenly appears in the console room and I smile at her, hoping I look my most innocent. Her anger is suddenly clear and I can see Jackie clearly in her face.

"You put my daughter back in her play-pen Harkness, she is not a seduction tool."

I put Lili down and raise my hands in surrender. "Right, sorry." She does have a definite point though. I did loose Lili the last time I took her out. Although those little carry baskets do get heavy and that woman was so worried about the poor baby. The Doctor strides in, stopping behind Rose, a storm brewing on his face. "May I ask as to what the suggestion in question was?"

The Doctor's eyes met mine suddenly, "No you may not."

Rose glared back at him, walking over to pick Lili up. "Mr I-am-so-impressive decided that I would agree to marry him on a planet I've never been on before, thousands of years in my future. Without my mother!"

"I never said your mother couldn't come, I just said it wasn't a good idea for her to be there."

"You suggested New Vegas, didn't you?"

"Maybe, that's not the point."

"No the point is you haven't thought about what I want. I don't want to get married on some far flung time and place, I just want my family to be there. I want what my parents had. That was good enough for them but not the great Doctor." Rose picked up Lili's change bag and turned back towards the Doctor. "Yes its domestic and I know I have thrown this whole existence of yours out of whack. But if you aren't happy then don't try to keep me around for your daughter's sake. She's old enough not to need me any more. You'll be fine by yourselves." She crossed to the door holding it open, not yet stepping out. She smiled sadly at me before looking back again to the doctor. "I'm giving you time to think, come back for her tonight, I'll have all her things packed." She turned away, letting the door slam home behind her.

I can't help but be amazed at what changes a couple of years bring about. There was a time not so long ago she would have refused to even think about leaving him, would fight tooth and nail to stay by his side. But she was tired, I could see it easily. Liliana had been a demanding tot, still was, and Rose took the brunt of that as the Doctor continued to save the universe. Rose was wearing down and the Doctor had trouble seeing it at times, but then again, maybe this was what she needed. To be given something she never confessed her desire for. "That went down a treat."

"Shut up Jack. Is everything ready?"

"Yeah, her mum put the dress in her room, and the one for Liliana. Your suit is hidden in the wardrobe and the minister is booked for one hour from now."

"Right then, time to do this then. Do you think she'll forgive me?"

"You plan on telling her you love her in your vows at all."

"It may have crossed my mind every thirty seconds when I wrote them."

"I think you'll be just fine. Just don't let her slap you too hard once she's gotten down that isle."


	20. Charge

Just to let you know it is all written and I will try to have it posted in the next week.

Angelic Ninja

* * *

_The night is young  
And the moon is a mother to both of us  
We both understand this  
Marriage is an old and tired religion  
And I love all the traditional things  
Domestic bliss and all that shit  
Confusion is a definite direction _

I'm falling from the opposite  
What good is it  
Fight the map with no key attached  
My heart's enlarged and I charge

**Splendid** - _**Charge**_

_

* * *

_I adjust Lili on my hip slightly as I reach for the door to mum's flat and let myself in. I hear her in the kitchen and call out to her, "Mum, its us." I cringe at the waver in my voice and let out a sigh as I drop the change bag in the hall. 

"I thought you were never coming up, I heard you land over an hour ago. You need to stop working my daughter so hard. She's not a machine, she's exhausted from bringing up that kid of yours, and don't go denying it." She steps out of the kitchen and looks around when there is no reply. "Where is he?"

It hits me suddenly and I cling to Lili just a little bit tighter, she whimpers in my ear. I know she is too close and she can feel my panic, so I put her down, stepping straight into my mother's arms as the tears start. "I left him. Oh god, mum, I left him." I cling to her and she returns the embrace just as forcefully. "We had a fight and I couldn't handle it any more. He's only just let me bring up getting married again since he asked. And its obvious that he doesn't want to. I didn't know what else to do." She runs a hand through my hair and just holds me as I cry. But all I can think of is that in a few hours he will be coming for Lili and then they will both be gone from my life.

"Shush, everything will be just fine." She pulls back from me drying my cheeks quickly. "Follow me." She bends and scoops Lili from the floor and I follow her into my room. I sit on the bed trying to stop the last of my tears as she moves to the wardrobe. "You know how much I've hated that man over the last few years we've know him, but Rose, he has made you so happy. When he gets it right at least." She pulls out a black dress bag and lays it on the bed before pulling an envelope from the bedside table. I can see the Doctor's handwriting clearly and can't help but laugh.

"Another letter, same as before. Rose this is for the best, please don't hate me." I take it from her outstretched hand with a sigh. She watches me closely and I know she wants to know what it says so I open it quickly, taking a deep breath before reading it aloud.

"Rose,

I'm sorry for whatever it is I did to get you here alone. Just trust me. The dress is for you, get your mum to do your hair, Lili's dress is in the bag too. Jack will be up to get you in half an hour.

The Doctor."

I open the bag quickly to find a tiny pink dress for Liliana and a white gown for myself. It was better than a dress as he had called it, much more. "Up you get then, into that dress quick smart." I looked up at mum and couldn't help the smile on my face.

"You knew, you knew he was planning this. I'm so slapping him when I get my hands on him."

"Don't be daft, I helped him plan it. Never would have pulled it off without me. I'll get Lili ready you go shower quickly and into that dress." I jump up kissing her cheek before running to the bathroom. The stupid git had gone and done the most amazing, sweetest thing ever. I was going to slap him so hard, then possibly kiss him senseless. But mostly I was going to marry the git. I showered and dressed in record time. I took my time applying my make-up, something I regularly skipped since Liliana's birth. Mum had my hair up and in place just as there was a knock on the door. I watched mum as she made her way to the door, nerves suddenly twisting my guts. This was what I wanted, not something the Doctor had ever really wanted. Jack entered, a low whistle letting me know he approved. "He's not doing this just for me right?" I can't help but ask, dreading his answer. "Cause I don't want this if he doesn't."

"He wants you happy Rose, and he wants this because it'll make you happy." I take a slight step back. "No Rose, I said that wrong. He wants to marry you because he loves you. He is doing it here, as a surprise cause he knew this was how you always pictured you'd get married. He knows how much this will make you happy. That's just as important as how much this means to him. He lost everything, then he found you. Your his world now."

"Jack, what did he really say?"

"Don't let her run Jack, or I'll kill you."

I laughed, "Okay, now I believe you." I brushed my hand down the gown, giving myself one last check in the mirror. "Right let's do this then."


	21. Hallelujah

_I did my best, it wasn't much.  
I couldn't feel, so I learned to touch.  
I've told the truth, I didn't come all this way to fool you.  
Yeah even though it all went wrong  
I'll stand right here before the Lord of Song  
With nothing on my lips but Hallelujah._

**Leonard Cohen - _Hallelujah

* * *

_**

Glen Miller echoed through the tiny room, the same room Jakie and Pete had married in, and I stood quickly turning to look towards the door. The heads of Rose's friends and family, the room crowded full of them, blocked my view of who walked through the doors. Jack suddenly appeared at my side, having slipped through the side door, giving me a huge grin. Lili waddled into view with a giggle. I scooped her up from the floor, passing her to Jack, and looked down the small isle she had created. Rose stood on Jackie's arm, smile lighting up her face. She made her way towards me and I couldn't help but return her smile. The ceremony was simple, fast, just a formality, but one Rose had wanted. But as I finally found myself looking in her eyes and trying to remember my vows I found myself silent. The practiced speech gone and all I could think was how much I didn't deserve this. "Rose Tyler, I love you, and I find thats the only thing that matters any more. After all I've done I don't deserve you, and I don't deserve Liliana, or the happiness that you both bring me. But you give yourselves and your love still, thank you. I promise you that until the end of my lives I will try to be worthy of that. You are worth fighting for. I love you." Rose smiles up at me, and I run a hand over her cheek mouthing 'I love you' to her one last time before the ceremony continues.

"Doctor, you didn't really give me time to come up with anything so meaningful." She pauses giving me a glare as her family chuckles.

"Sorry." She just smiles once again and I feel uterly unrepentant for what I had put her through earlier. Her anger was worth every moment, because now she looks at me like that. I can only smile back and let her finish.

"But that doesn't matter because there really is only one thing I can say. I love you, and maybe that's wrong or not what you ever really wanted, but I do. I don't want you to feel so alone anymore because you do have us. You are worth fighting for. I love you." I feel one of my hearts stop beating at her words. Because no matter what I will never be worth her life. She must survive, I want nothing more than to see her old, happy with young grandchildren around her. Something I should not be giving her, but will because I want her happy. Something I will give her to try and ease some of my own guilt over what I did to her, even though I know it won't help. As I follow her into the car that will take us back to Jakie's flat I feel my hearts labouring back to their normal pace.

"I'll never be worth that Rose." She looks at me stuned before shuffling as close ast the layers of her dress will alow. "I won't ever ask that of you, or expect it. I don't care about me, I just want you safe."

"So what now you've kept your promise you just gonna swan off? Keep me safe by leaving me behind?" I can hear the waver in her voice as she tries to be angry with me. But I know she is trying not to cry, because not so long ago it was the type of thing I would have done. That I have tried before.

"No, I do believe that by your laws you now have a right to fifty percent of everthing I own, including the TARDIS. You have every right to tell me that I can't go anywhere. Stay here, live on the slow path, be domestic."

"I want that as much as you do. There's too much out there, too much you have to do. I just don't want you to leave me ever." I kissed her in response unable to think of anything worth saying that wouldn't hurt one of us or be just not what I wanted to say. Because she was right, there was no way I could stay here, no way she could now either. I had changed her, and sometimes I wasn't sure it was for the better, that maybe she would have made something of herself if she had never met me. But then I just have to remember her comforting Nancy back in the Blitz and I knew she was never going to be that Rose Tyler ever again.

"Stop the car." Both Rose and the driver look at me and I give them a smile I hope is innocent. "We'll be back shortly." I pull Rose from the car behind me, checking traffic then crossing the road quickly, still pulling her behind me. The TARDIS stands proudly in the alley, and I let us inside quickly as the smile once again dies from my face. "I've told you before this isn't forever for me Rose. I want to keep you with me as long as I can, and if that means locking you away in the TARDIS sometimes its what I will do. But I'm not going to leave you behind, and I'm not going to let you leave." I rest my hands either side of her face, looking down at her sad smile. "This is what it means for me to love you."

"Okay." Her eyes are suddenly bright, a mischevious twinkle. "Two questions though," I raise my eyebrow at her asking her to continue, "Does this make me Mrs Smith?"

"I'm a modern bloke, and I think Doctor Tyler has a certain ring to it."

"That it does. So what are we doing here then, the party was at mum's last I heard?"

I kiss her neck with a smile, "Did I meantion, it also travels in time?" I can't help the grin that envelopes my face as she laughs.


	22. Epilogue: Orange Sky pt 5

_Well I had a dream  
I stood beneath an orange sky  
Yes I had a dream  
I stood beneath an orange sky  
With my brother and my sister standing by  
With my brother and my sister standing by  
With my brother and my sister standing by_

**Alex Murdoch – _Orange Sky

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_**

Rose and the Doctor enter the flat, only five minutes behind everyone else and I can hear the murmurs from her friends. Their surprise at how quickly they had gotten back, at how long their car rides had lasted after their weddings. Both Rose and the Doctor are still as perfectly dressed as they were when they left the wedding, but I can see Rose's tell-tale blush from across the room. I had learnt to read it easily in the last few years, with the number of times they disappeared from formal engagements and even world saving duties, to return not even slightly disheveled. They are greeted by several of her friends before I can make my way over. Liliana on my hip, I give them both a cheeky smile. "So how long was the honeymoon then?"

"Not leaving for the honeymoon till tomorrow Jack. Did I mention Jackie offered you Rose's room while we were away?" He gives me an evil smirk before the mentioned woman makes her way over.

"Doctor, you remember Bev. She's the one that got the dress for Rose, her daughter's working at a little boutique, got an eye for clothes she does."

"It was perfect, thank you."

"Dress has easy release hooks to, perfect for the wedding night." She gave him a wink, and I had to cough to cover my laughter.

"Bev!" Rose's blush deepened and the smirk returned to the Doctor's face. I could tell he had already discovered that feature even if no one realised it.

"Enough chatter, first dance as a married couple. Come on both of you, everyone's waiting." Jackie pulled Rose behind her, who in turn dragged the Doctor into the middle of the cleared living room. This time I couldn't help but laugh out loud as I followed them.

I leaned in and whispered in the Doctor's ear as Jackie got the room's attention. "How was the first dance?"

He just glared before turning his attention to Jackie. "Right, so everyone. No speeches, we are all here to have some fun. Quick toast though, to Rose and John, may they find happiness where ever their lives take them together." Everyone raised their glasses before Jackie turned to the radio, blaring out some sappy love tune. I watched as Rose and the Doctor began to gently sway, giving them a few moments before joining in beside them, Lili's head on my shoulder, swaying her in time to the music as well. They were truly happy, eyes only for each other.

"Just look at them Lili, like nothing else in the world matters. They keep looking at one another like that and you're gonna have a sibling before long." Lili cooed in my arms and I dipped her back gently in time with the Doctor as he dipped Rose.

"Yeah, probably in about six months or so." The Doctor dragged her back up, snogging her soundly and all I could do was laugh.

The End.

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Thanks for reading this and I hope you all enjoyed it.

Angelic Ninja.


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